emilita: (Default)
I'm following what's happening in Ferguson right now, and I'm getting sick to my stomach. Unrestrained use of force, media blackout, ignoring civil rights, reports of martial law being enacted... This is disgusting. The FAA has declared a no-fly zone over Ferguson (which means that there can be no news helicopters), reporters are being jailed, the media has been ordered to leave the city, and the governor of Missouri is MIA. His wife referred to the people protesting as 'feral.' All this because people wanted answers about why an unarmed teenage boy was killed, and then his body left for 4 hours. Disgusting.
emilita: (Default)
Nothing absolutely horrible happened at work, so everything's at least ok on that front.

I've been doing this squat challenge thing since last Sunday (I'm on day 9), and it's one of those things that supposed to get you up to 200 squats in 4 weeks. Today, I did 90. It's 3 days of squats and then one day of rest, so it's not one huge push. I've been running and doing other leg/butt exercises as well, and I added core exercises over the last couple days. Right now, I'm under the impression that I've never used my ab muscles ever. This might not be as wrong as it sounds, because the last time I talked to my doctor, he told me that one of the reasons I have back spasms is because I don't have abs to take over some of the work. I'm also working on building up back muscles and improving my posture, but all that's gotten me at the moment is pain. I need to find better ways to fix kyphosis, because trying to straighten it right now is killing me.

Real didn't defend their stupid title and I'm mad at them, though they definitely weren't at their best against Man United. Bring me the regular season, I need distractions from getting fit and working.
emilita: (Default)
I've been restarting my exercise routine over the last week, and I'm definitely feeling it. I'm now 7 days into this "squat challenge" thing that gets you up to 200 squats in 4 weeks. Today I did 80. I'm also trying to run more, and found ab workout exercises that actually make me feel sore afterwards. I'm starting to think I've never used my ab muscles before in my life.

Travel shit is still ongoing. My friend has taken over trying to bully the airline, since I've been fighting with everyone since we started planning the trip, so thank fuck for her. We're pretty sure that our other friend is not talking to us at the moment, because she was the hold out who said that we should still go. She wasn't allowed to go alone after we pulled out, though, so I'm thinking that she checked out and is letting us handle it since we messed things up for her, or something. I... don't really care, though, since I'd rather be dealing with trouble like this than be over there at the moment. The West Bank is getting more and more violent, and this conflict is not ending any time soon.

We don't know much more about how my client died. The last I heard, it was a heart attack, but they weren't sure. There hasn't been a memorial planned yet, though Crisis has said that they want to have something. The PRP might do a memorial for several clients that died within the last year, which would be nice. Nothing concrete as of yet.

Watching Real Madrid at the moment. The good thing is that this trophy doesn't matter, and if we had to lose a trophy, I'd definitely want it to be this one. Bad thing is, I also thought we were the better team against Inter and Roma, so the fact that we are losing sucks. I really want the season to start :(.
emilita: (Default)
I need to calm down. At this point I feel ready to burn everything to the ground

Read more... )

On the bright side, the trailer for The Hobbit: BoFA came out, and I don't feel like death after exercising yesterday.
emilita: (Default)
...so it's not looking like we're going to get refunds, unless they suspend them again by Tuesday. I know my parents have said they would help me with the cost if I needed it but 1) I don't want to have to ask them for money and 2) I'm still pissed that we're not getting a refund. I get that our flight wasn't directly affected, because they resumed in time, but I'm upset that they didn't process the request in time for us to get our money back. The travel agent said that Air France recommended that we get travel insurance and THEN cancel the tickets, but... insurance fraud? I'm pretty positive that would count as insurance fraud. So, no.

I shouldn't be as pissed at this as I am. I had come to terms with getting a voucher instead of a refund before the suspension even happened. I think this is a combination of getting my hopes up with the suspension, my anxiety over the last week+ still ongoing, and me PMSing.

Cut for talk of death... )
emilita: (Default)
Well, my weekend was awesome. Germany won the World Cup and I screamed and cried. That's the Champions League and the World Cup in the same year :). My dad claims that if the Orioles win the World Series, he owes me dinner.

I'm already missing soccer, and can't wait until club season starts back up again. Right now, all I want is for transfer season to be over so that I can stop stressing that all my favorites are in danger of leaving.

Work has been going decently, especially since I took Monday off. I was nearing definitely already at murder bitch mode, since I hadn't taken a mental health day since February. But today was much calmer, and groups went really well. I'm still playing catch up on paperwork, but that's the norm here. Paperwork is overflowing and time with the clients is put on the back burner (wonderful way to run a public health organization, yes?). Whatever. We had a good day, let's stick to the positives.

The negative is that I think I might have to go on another med. I went off of a second antidepressant last April, which screwed me up for a while, but it generally seemed to be ok. Problem is that since late last year, I've been getting more and more anxiety attacks. It's to the point where I feel like I'm about to be sick or I'll experience tachycardia, like when I stand up too long and my POTS reminds me I'm an idiot, when I watch a match. Even ones I don't care who wins. That's not normal for me, though I suppose maybe I've just become so invested? It just doesn't seem healthy, but I'm pissed because I wanted to be on as little meds as possible. It's not just that I don't like drugging myself more than necessary (I've been on meds since I was 13, I'm allowed to dislike them at this point), but that shit's expensive. I'm still on my dad's insurance, and it's still a hell of a lot more than I like paying. And next year, I'll be too old to be covered and have to either go with what's offered at work (if I'm still there) or find my own to cover all that I'm already taking. Why couldn't I be born with a normal brain and body again?

/Rant over.

Ok, done now.
emilita: (Default)
I hate winter so much. It's not even the snow, it's that even though I expect it, I'm still hit with a dip in mood and overall mental health. I've lived with this long enough to recognize that I'm constantly worrying that I'll die in a car crash, or fire, or walking down the street, and that the inability to get up in the morning means that I'm becoming more sluggish overall, and that the fact that I have this crushing sense of inadequacy and like I'm imposing on others or making things about me and overstaying my welcome is probably a bad sign. It's not like I'm about to go off the rails, but even though I recognize all of these facts, it doesn't snap me out of the rut. It's times like these that remind me how I should probably schedule a Skype date with my therapist, but I also don't want to talk. At all. And I keep falling into the thinking that keeping up with my routine will help me keep going, and while it's true to an extent, it's also apparently failing.

I'm just tired, and needed to rant somewhere so that I can try to work through everything in my head. Sorry.

emilita: (Default)
Slightly amusing that after I post on LJ about how well work has been going, I then experience one of the craziest days. On Monday, four of us (one was out on holiday) were cleaning up various bodily expulsions from around 9 AM to 1 PM. I have a deal with another coworker (H) that I don't clean up poop and she doesn't clean up vomit, so I was off the hook for the morning anyway, but then the guy of the group (J1) stepped up and took care of downstairs. It was three people shitting themselves in a 20 minute period, with one of them also peeing on themselves and the second also vomiting. An hour before, one of those people had also had an accident on the first floor that H cleaned up. I was on call at 1 when the second person who had had an accident and thrown up on herself in the basement then threw up again on the first floor. To her credit, she tried to clean it up herself, but only succeeded in widening the area I had to clean. After dealing with the scheduling mishaps that came from at least one person having to clean most of the day, I was ready to jump in the shower and not come out.

So naturally we (the three ladies: H, S, and me) went out drinking to try and forget everything, and the person next to us at the bar said (very loudly) that she had been raped by the ocean.

I don't know what my life is anymore, but I'm pretty sure someone must be filming everything somewhere.
emilita: (Default)
In the last several weeks, I've found an Ozil jersey from last season, a Raul jersey from 2007-2008, and a really nifty RM shirt. Good haul, Em, good haul.

Also, HI! I know I've been absent. I've had things in my head that I've wanted to post and talk about, but never ended up doing it. As with most absences, I was still around to read fairly often, but was incredibly lazy with posting. Work has been draining but rewarding, and now that Problem Client is gone, it's been more rewarding than not. At the same time, if I don't take a day soon, I'm going to get burnt out real fast. To be honest, the company is one where, if I didn't like what I was doing, I wouldn't recommend the job. The bureaucracy, red tape, and general ridiculousness drives me up the wall. But right now, I've been here six months and don't want to leave, so that's something.
emilita: (Default)
Honestly almost threw up during the Champions League match today!!!

I will say upfront that I was surprised Nani got a red card, but I don't think it's entirely unjustified. That was dangerous play, no argument. When the same thing happened in the World Cup final, I thought that should have been a red (despite the fact that I wanted Spain to lose for beating Germany). I don't believe Nani meant to hit Arbeloa (like De Jong did, I feel), but the ref isn't inside his head, and a studs up karate kick to the chest should have serious consequences. I was surprised, though, especially since De Jong got away with a yellow in South Africa.

But whatever! I'll be over here in my corner yelling that we totally could have come back and won even without the card. We were looking livelier, and I think the goal definitely woke us up. A substantial amount of the game was played in United's half. And I think it says something that even their goal was scored by us. They had a multitude of chances, even with 10 men, and the finishing was lacking. Plus, Diego Lopez was a godsend. I love Adan, and he's pulled through for us before, but I don't really think he could have made all of those saves.
emilita: (Default)
I think I'm mostly pissed because all of my bookmarks are gone? And I'm extremely OCD (like, diagnosed and everything), and to have lost everything I organized and know that there are sites and stories I really liked out there that I'll never remember by myself is actually really upsetting to me. I know it's such a small thing, and incredibly petty, I suppose, but I can't stop being upset about it.

Doesn't help that I'm getting more crap about not having a job. I've started looking harder than before, but so few people are hiring. I think my last job at the restaurant scarred me, so I'm not looking to be a waitress again, but I'm almost starting to think that we might be at the point of last resorts.

Oh well. I'm going to NYC this weekend with two of my friends to spend President's Day holiday with our other friend from middle school. It makes me old to think I've known them for 12 years. I'm just looking to get out of the house, and break myself out of the bad mood funk, so I'm excited :)
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I honestly feel so sick over what is happening in Gaza right now. My best friend on the West Bank says that shit's been happening there, too. The Israeli government is just unreasonable these days, to the point where they've been deporting legal African immigrants who've made Israel their home. And now Israel's cut off all communications to and from Gaza. Why would they feel the need to do that unless they were planning on doing something the international community would object to? I could say I'm angry, but I'm not, it's something beyond that. I just can't stand the world right now.

Small rant

Nov. 3rd, 2012 09:46 pm
emilita: (Default)
I love DC United and LA Galaxy, but I swear, I can't wait to see when MLS actually gets to the level of European soccer. It's good for us that we're bringing in talent like Beckham, Henry, and Arnie Friedrich, even if they are older, and we are keeping players like Landon Donovan, who feel loyal to MLS and want it to succeed, because we need that quality. But I can't take it seriously when the form is so... not there sometimes. Other times, it can be pretty good, like with LA Galaxy, they're rather consistent, but they aren't MY team.

Sorry, I'm watching the MLS Cup Playoffs - Eastern Conference Semifinal Leg 1 - and just really wanting DC to have more consistent form. It hurts how often if can falter.

Oh, and Real's win today? Sweeeet. But Cristiano was pissed at the end :(. He was unlucky, especially during the first half, but I think he was more furious at himself than anything. Uuugh, baby!
emilita: (Default)
Wow, I've been absent. Don't worry, I haven't died. I went offline around the time LJ had that long-ass bot attack or whatever, and then it was time to go back to school. I'm a busy bee this semester. Courses include:

History and Contemporary Issues (Psychology capstone class)
Music History 1, Ancient to Baroque
Accompaniment Lab
Piano 1
German 201, Intermediate
Sex Offenders

Blah. I have big projects due in three of the classes, including an experiment in the psych class that's going to take the entire semester. My eyes are already crossing.

At least the apartment is good. All issues with the roommates seem to be out in the open and talked over, so we're better than we have been in over a year. It's a good feeling. These two are my best friends here, and I refuse to lose them because we were just too in each others' space. But now we all have separate rooms (and BATHROOMS!!! Did you know you could have your own bathroom? I've never had one!) and our schedules are so crazy we're actively trying to fit in time to hang out. This Friday, fall break begins, so we'll have time to unwind from the school stress and be even better when we come back.

But enough complaining! How is everyone here, my beauties?

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