emilita: (Default)
I am so done with being jerked around by airlines, and I no longer want to get my hopes up about ANYTHING, but... one of our professors from college who often goes to Israel/Palestine and is familiar with the airline might have found us a way to get a refund. He was on the phone for several hours after my friend contacted him for tips in dealing with this situation (since he's had airlines fuck up his flights before), and he totally went above and beyond trying to work this out for us. It still has to go through the travel agent, but there's a form on the website specifically for the Tel Aviv issue, and apparently our flight falls within the date range to make a refund viable. How the hell the travel agent missed this is another issue, and one reason I doubt I'll be using one again. I want to believe that he got the run around from the airline just as much as we did, but I don't know what to think. At the moment, I'm just cautiously almost-optimistic. I don't want to jinx anything by giving the universe ways to mess this up, though, so I'll be quiet with my pessimism.

Work's been decent, especially since I know I won't be there next week. I'm still trying to set up an appointment for my psychiatrist to talk about anti-anxiety meds, because even if the anxiety is situational, I'm in a really stressful job, so I get over-anxious a LOT. I always feel like I'm riding just a level below an anxiety attack.

Exercise is kicking my butt. Still on track with the squats, and continuing with the ab exercises, but I'm pretty sure my lack of ab muscles means that I'm putting too much strain on my lower back during said exercises. Who knows, my back muscles may need it, but my abs definitely need it more. The biggest burden of exercising alone is learning how to exercise the right way.
emilita: (Default)
Well, my weekend was awesome. Germany won the World Cup and I screamed and cried. That's the Champions League and the World Cup in the same year :). My dad claims that if the Orioles win the World Series, he owes me dinner.

I'm already missing soccer, and can't wait until club season starts back up again. Right now, all I want is for transfer season to be over so that I can stop stressing that all my favorites are in danger of leaving.

Work has been going decently, especially since I took Monday off. I was nearing definitely already at murder bitch mode, since I hadn't taken a mental health day since February. But today was much calmer, and groups went really well. I'm still playing catch up on paperwork, but that's the norm here. Paperwork is overflowing and time with the clients is put on the back burner (wonderful way to run a public health organization, yes?). Whatever. We had a good day, let's stick to the positives.

The negative is that I think I might have to go on another med. I went off of a second antidepressant last April, which screwed me up for a while, but it generally seemed to be ok. Problem is that since late last year, I've been getting more and more anxiety attacks. It's to the point where I feel like I'm about to be sick or I'll experience tachycardia, like when I stand up too long and my POTS reminds me I'm an idiot, when I watch a match. Even ones I don't care who wins. That's not normal for me, though I suppose maybe I've just become so invested? It just doesn't seem healthy, but I'm pissed because I wanted to be on as little meds as possible. It's not just that I don't like drugging myself more than necessary (I've been on meds since I was 13, I'm allowed to dislike them at this point), but that shit's expensive. I'm still on my dad's insurance, and it's still a hell of a lot more than I like paying. And next year, I'll be too old to be covered and have to either go with what's offered at work (if I'm still there) or find my own to cover all that I'm already taking. Why couldn't I be born with a normal brain and body again?

/Rant over.

Ok, done now.
emilita: (Default)
I hate winter so much. It's not even the snow, it's that even though I expect it, I'm still hit with a dip in mood and overall mental health. I've lived with this long enough to recognize that I'm constantly worrying that I'll die in a car crash, or fire, or walking down the street, and that the inability to get up in the morning means that I'm becoming more sluggish overall, and that the fact that I have this crushing sense of inadequacy and like I'm imposing on others or making things about me and overstaying my welcome is probably a bad sign. It's not like I'm about to go off the rails, but even though I recognize all of these facts, it doesn't snap me out of the rut. It's times like these that remind me how I should probably schedule a Skype date with my therapist, but I also don't want to talk. At all. And I keep falling into the thinking that keeping up with my routine will help me keep going, and while it's true to an extent, it's also apparently failing.

I'm just tired, and needed to rant somewhere so that I can try to work through everything in my head. Sorry.

Ugh.
emilita: (Default)
I'm having a really rough time getting off one of my anti-depressants. I was slowly weaned off over six weeks, but when I stopped, I suddenly was so dizzy, constantly, every day, to the point where I can feel it in my teeth and that doesn't even make sense. It comes in waves, pretty much in time with my pulse, so I guess it's like that because there are capillaries that go to the teeth? I've also been unable to eat anything without feeling like I want to throw up, or having this incredible twisting pain in my gut. That has thankfully receded, mostly, but I would still like to be able to stand up without almost blacking out. It's been two weeks since I stopped, this should be over by now!

The only silver lining is that my mood is mostly stable (I am on another medication, so it should be picking up the slack fine), though I have noticed I'll cry more easily.
emilita: (Default)
I know it's late (a month late for any Canadians), but I'd like to wish my followers a happy Thanksgiving! I haven't been the healthiest this year, and I've definitely become an even bigger introvert, but I have my family, I have my friends, I have my cats, my parents have jobs (even if my mom's is pending), and I have my teams, which I alternatively think of as a blessing and a curse. You should have heard me yesterday when Rafa came to Chelsea, I didn't know whether to smile or cry, because will this be a success or just make LFC fans hate Chelsea (I like both, can't I just be happy?!) Anyway! I also graduated, so I definitely think we're at a net positive :).

August 2014

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