emilita: (pic#8195246)
And it started with its typical controversy. Ahhhh, it's been too long.

I've been stressing about whether I should take the possible promotion, and have gotten absolutely nowhere. I just waffle back and forth and can't decide if I'd be able to deal with the pressure and responsibility of dealing with benefits and everything. This is a situation that hasn't even come to fruition yet, and I'm already having anxiety. Yeesh.

I've been making strides in my physical fitness, and while it's encouraging, I'm not seeing as much improvement in the POTS and fibromyalgia symptoms as I wanted. My joints still feel like they're moving around too much, I have random aches and pains, the dizziness and orthostatic intolerance have been steady, and the CFS is still dragging me down. I'm seeing some good things, like I have an increased amount of energy and endurance, but overall it's underwhelming. I'll stick with it though, and I'm working on improving my diet, along with the squat challenge and core workouts. Hopefully, it'll get better, because I'm so tired of dealing with the my body falling apart.

The good news! Cats are back where they belong, and Skids has gotten over his cold and is back to causing trouble. Nothing horrible has happened at work, and we're actually getting raises in October (negligible, but it'll help). I'm... thinking... of moving out soon. It'll be very hard, since the idea of a living wage in public health is a joke, but I've been looking around and doing calculations. We'll see.
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I know it's late (a month late for any Canadians), but I'd like to wish my followers a happy Thanksgiving! I haven't been the healthiest this year, and I've definitely become an even bigger introvert, but I have my family, I have my friends, I have my cats, my parents have jobs (even if my mom's is pending), and I have my teams, which I alternatively think of as a blessing and a curse. You should have heard me yesterday when Rafa came to Chelsea, I didn't know whether to smile or cry, because will this be a success or just make LFC fans hate Chelsea (I like both, can't I just be happy?!) Anyway! I also graduated, so I definitely think we're at a net positive :).
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This is the first time in years I've practiced upwards of 2 hours a day for several consecutive days (almost a week), and my wrist and thumb have thrown in the towel. They're revolting. For that matter, I've probably lost my mind; it's up and vacated the premises. My life right now is a little wild...

Also, I now have an alum shirt. And ordered my cap and gown. I feel old.

Life Ruiner

Feb. 5th, 2012 04:52 pm
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School. School is a life ruiner.

I'm doing my second thesis this semester (and don't get me started on the ridiculousness of having to do two), and I'm stretched so thin trying to figure out my defense and then balance that with my flute recital, then balanced with the three other major classes I'm taking and all the small performance credits. My hair is falling out, and this time, I know it's not from medication. FML.

I love my friends, though. These last four years have given me some of the best friends of my life, and no matter how much we snipe at each other after living out of each others' pockets for too long, I wouldn't change them for the world.

I am obviously way too sentimental at the moment.

Fibro's good, depression's good, meds are driving me crazy because they make me swing between no sex drive (the norm) and being a wanton slut. Well, not so much, but to me it feels like it.
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I was so productive today, you have no idea! I got up at 11 to go to a therapy appointment, and then reminded my mom (who drove me because I can't drive stick) that we needed to go pick up two pairs of jeans that had been altered, stop by the post office, get my blood drawn for the bi-annual tests, and drop by CVS. And we did all those things!!! I was so tired afterwards I needed a nap. My fibro and thyroid have been kept mostly in check, but my depression and CFS are running wild. Just took my two meds for sleeping (my two fibro meds so that I don't wake up and not be able to move since I'm so sore) with some spearmint tea. I think the tea is probably past its expiration date, but it still tasted yummy. And I got to use my new DW mug with the disappearing TARDIS that I got for Christmas! It was pretty cool.

I think also that this is the most movies I've probably seen at once. Since coming home for break, I've seen Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (twice), and The Muppets movie. So, 4 movies in the span of about 5 days. Whew. And I still want to see: A Dangerous Method (psych major FTW!), Young Adult, War Horse, J. Edgar, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, possibly Tintin, and Mission: Impossible 4.

Hope everyone had a happy Hanukkah, a merry Christmas, a warm Winter Solstice, and that you all will enjoy New Year's!
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my second to last semester was over. I start back up in January for the last time. I think when the last day rolled around I gave myself something of a panic attack, because no one can do denial like I can and that day just wasn'tcomingnothanksI'mjustfine. But now, my BA in psychology is officially done. I did my thesis and got an 85 - not as high as I'd thought I'd do, and it ended up meaning I got a B+ in the class, which pissed me off, but I'm done. Next semester I get to do ANOTHER thesis, this time for my Honors program, but thankfully, I already have the topic and the general methods outlined. Other than that, I need to take two classes for my minor (Criminal Procedure and Victimology), finish my music major by finishing up the applied performance and lessons credits, and take my IDS (the required senior seminar on interdisciplinary studies). If I can fit it in, I want to either take German IV or audit the class. I'm psychotic. Maybe all this downtime during winter break will remind me that I honestly need more of a rest during the school year.

Grades for this semester are as follows:
Sex Offenders - A-
German III - A-
Piano I - A-
Lessons - A
Band - passed
Music History - B+ (also pissed about this one, can I never actually keep an A when I get it midsemester?)
History and Contemporary Issues (psychology capstone/thesis class) - B+
Leaving me with a 3.57 GPA. I can do better.

And the schedule for next semester:
Criminal Procedure
Piano II
Honors Thesis
Harlem Renaissance (IDS, but hopefully changing to Arab and Islamic Feminism)
German IV (if I can possibly fit it in)

In other news, the whole 'cold and sunless' thing winter loves to pull is really grating on my depression. I'm getting even less motivated recently, and that's not a good thing. It's becoming a challenge to wake myself up at decent hours, and I'm pretty sure I've already skipped my medication a couple times this week. Thankfully, cold is actually good for my fibromyalgia, so that's one thing out of the way for right now. Bad news is that my anxiety and near-paranoia are also controlled by the medication so I have been having something of an upswing in those areas. I really need to get my shit sorted out, maybe I can write more over the break and try to keep myself busy. My room definitely needs to be cleaned...
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So, went out and got The Awakened Mage (Innocence Lost outside the US/UK) last Friday, finished it on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I think I read about 410 pages. Yeesh. All in all, it amounts to 1350 or so in about 8 days. Take that, college drag! I thought I'd have so much trouble getting back into reading, since college has kinda killed it for me in the last couple years, but nope! It was a great book, though the reviews I read were right: she does spend a lot of time on the build up, and then the climax to ending goes by in about 50 pages. The characters broke my heart and only somewhat patched it up, but I understand why she did it. I would recommened these two to people needing something to pass the time; it's not the best thing fantasy has ever given mankind, but the characters and the world are thoroughly enjoyable, engrossing, and original. Even the parts you can see as universal Karen Miller makes her own. Nothing about it is very bland, though the fight scenes could do with some work. I hope someone picks this up, cuz I would love to have someone to talk about it with!

Next up, I've decided, is Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh. This one is historical fiction set in India and the Indian Ocean around the 1830s; a rag-tag group of people come together aboard a ship and come to think of themselves as ship-brothers. Apparently it's the first of a trio, but the rest haven't been released yet. I actually started reading it in a bookstore in Germany, got it that Christmas, and read up to page 100 or so before abandoning it. At this point I've decided just to start over. I'm excited :). I have a list of books I want to look into now (most of them fantasy, I think) and a list of ones I have that I need to read.

To look into:
The Bartimaeus Trilogy
The Dark is Rising
Coldfire Trilogy

To read:
Sea of Poppies
American Gods
Prozac Nation
The Kite Runner
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Slaughterhouse Five
A Long Way Down

...Yeah, there are a lot more I need to get to before I buy anything else. Wish me luck!

Also, got tickets for when Real Madrid comes to play Philadelphia Union on July 23!!! I'm sooooo excited!!! This month is internationals month, especially this week and next week, so that's keeping me busy outside reading and interning with Habitat.

Also recently (two Saturdays ago?) went over to see two of my best friends and watched Doctor Who and Community and slept over. It was awesome. We haven't had a bond session in forever, so we were talking so much we probably didn't get some throw-away line that's going to come back and be what the entire season story line hinges on. I'll be going back to watch it again soon.

Had to go to the doctor's to get a B12 shot today. When my bloodwork was done a couple weeks ago, it showed I was really low in that and it was probably the reason I was so exhausted and why my fibro pains were more annoying than usual. It hurt :( but hopefully that'll help for a week or two. Now the option is either getting that every month or whatever, or taking a big vitamin everyday. Joy, the options I have.

Ummm, I think that's it!
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One of my friends got her car totaled driving up from NC to NJ. Thankfully, she got away with a concussion and whiplash, while her passenger got whiplash and cuts. The person was going 45 mph or something, and they were in a stop-turn lane. I heard about it a couple days ago and freaked, since it seems like everyone is having near misses these days. The world's gone crazy, for real.

Spring break has been good to me; I might even be writing later today. One can only hope. I'm going to bed with cats curled around my legs every night, so what can I say but 'life is good'. Went to three doctors in six hours on Monday, just to get everything out of the way, and my pain medication has been upped again, but that's life. I'm not upset, I think by now it's just whatever. You do what you gotta do. I'm still a bit away from the highest dose and even a bit under normal dosage, so I'm lucky in that respect. When i get access to some type of PT, yoga, or tai chi, I'll be even better. Right now, it's look toward the sky.
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I don't wanna start rooting for Chelsea, dammit! >:(

Semester is finally starting to pick up, not a fan of that, but I think that all medication stuff is sorted out now and I can get both of the meds again. For this month, anyway. I've been sleeping ok since the Lyrica was released (it was a hostage situation, people. no way around it.) but I would like for my energy to be at a normal level. Sadly, it is not. This is not my Biggest Problem EVAH by far, so I'll stop complaining.

Also, the new flute is sublime. Thank you, parentals!!
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So, the Northeast gets hammered again, and North Carolina feels like springtime is just around the corner. What's a girl gotta do to get a snow day?!!

Other than that, so much better than before. Meds are all straightened out (I got one, took it and slept for five hours. After 3.5 days of no sleep, it was glorious) so all is right with the world *\o/*
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Haven't slept in two days, and not for lack of trying. That sentence alone had more typos than I'd like to remember. There's a stupid thumping STILL going on above us, so it's either in the ceiling or on the roof. Don't know either way. I thought a sun panel was loose and the wind was making it thump, but it wouldn't be this constant all night. So not happy right now. I barely sleep without one of my medications (which ran out two nights ago and I haven't been able to run to CVS) and this is not helping.

But yay for Real Madrid making it through to the Copa del Rey! I'll be more excited and get more into fandom (some fandom, any fandom) after I have more than a half hours sleep at one time.
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Just tired, ya know? The insurance company isn't letting me refill one of my meds, so I'm going through withdrawal and getting random headaches until we can figure this out. Not sure how well I'm dealing with it since I seem to be cutting myself off and trying to sleep my life away, but I haven't missed class and I'm doing all my homeworks... It's been a full couple weeks, but at least I'm not already in over my head like last semester. New flute arrived safe and sound, now I only need a couple more pieces to come in and I'll be good.

I have various plot bunnies floating around in my head, and eventually some might even be put down on paper if I can get the energy. Wish me luck!
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I've been having to shake myself out of a slump recently, which just made me more scared that I was relapsing WHILE on medication, which just made me more depressed, but I think I've come out of it now... more or less. Whenever this happens, I get terrified of going off medication, but whenever I feel good, I want to try and get off. It's messed up, and I think once I realize that my life is fine with meds, seriously, it is, then I'll be able to move past all this. I haven't been able to get to the CVS to get my fibromyalgia medication, so I've been surviving on extra-strength Tylenol PM (the generic, actually) which I think is giving me really surreal dreams. I swear, I don't actually stalk soccer players in real life but my subconscious sure thinks up funny/alarming things to put them through, not to mention me. I still have no flute teacher and juries are in three weeks, so that royally sucks and I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but I got into the music department while with no teacher, I can work this out too. That's just what I have to keep telling myself.

On a good note, I finally have a B in Research Methods, which means I won't fail my psychology major and life in general. Haven't been able to catch up on all my Supernatural, Community, or Modern Family, but there's only a week and a half until Thanksgiving break tfg.
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So, two of the teams I follow are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Real Madrid has won basically every game this season, while I don't think Liverpool has won one. Joy. It's a good thing I'm more interested in the national teams (Go Deutschland!)

I don't think I've ever had this much work this early in the year, like, ever. It's finally fall break, and after an epic road trip I'm now back home. Whew. Of course, I brought my flute, all the pieces I need to work on, as well as my PoliSci books (The Wretched of the Earth, Civilization and Its Discontents, and Crises of the Republic). It'll be fun to take on all of that in one week, as well as fitting in doctors appts to check on my fibromyalgia, orthostatic intolerance, and whatever mental shit my brain's throwing my way this month.

On the good side, I think I've found a way to fly up for the Stewart/Colbert rallies and make it back to the 'boro in time for the Midnight Musicale (srsly, who decides to make a performance 11.30-midnight on the day of the most awesome rallies ever held? Why couldn't it actually be on Halloween? I tell you, it would make so much more sense if I ran this school.

August 2014

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