Jul. 15th, 2014

emilita: (Default)
Well, my weekend was awesome. Germany won the World Cup and I screamed and cried. That's the Champions League and the World Cup in the same year :). My dad claims that if the Orioles win the World Series, he owes me dinner.

I'm already missing soccer, and can't wait until club season starts back up again. Right now, all I want is for transfer season to be over so that I can stop stressing that all my favorites are in danger of leaving.

Work has been going decently, especially since I took Monday off. I was nearing definitely already at murder bitch mode, since I hadn't taken a mental health day since February. But today was much calmer, and groups went really well. I'm still playing catch up on paperwork, but that's the norm here. Paperwork is overflowing and time with the clients is put on the back burner (wonderful way to run a public health organization, yes?). Whatever. We had a good day, let's stick to the positives.

The negative is that I think I might have to go on another med. I went off of a second antidepressant last April, which screwed me up for a while, but it generally seemed to be ok. Problem is that since late last year, I've been getting more and more anxiety attacks. It's to the point where I feel like I'm about to be sick or I'll experience tachycardia, like when I stand up too long and my POTS reminds me I'm an idiot, when I watch a match. Even ones I don't care who wins. That's not normal for me, though I suppose maybe I've just become so invested? It just doesn't seem healthy, but I'm pissed because I wanted to be on as little meds as possible. It's not just that I don't like drugging myself more than necessary (I've been on meds since I was 13, I'm allowed to dislike them at this point), but that shit's expensive. I'm still on my dad's insurance, and it's still a hell of a lot more than I like paying. And next year, I'll be too old to be covered and have to either go with what's offered at work (if I'm still there) or find my own to cover all that I'm already taking. Why couldn't I be born with a normal brain and body again?

/Rant over.

Ok, done now.

August 2014

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